Hiei and pop tarts
by RemyxZer0
Summary: I just don’t know…Hiei finds a genie and wishes for pastry…just read it, you might laugh a little. And now there is a second chapter that he wants...oh god just read it.
1. Default Chapter

This is quite possibly the dumbest thing you will ever read. Your IQ should drop about 3 consistent points each time you read it (and you will read it more than once, Simon Commands you to!). Why did I pick Hiei? Maybe because no one knows that he has this side to him this….this….happiness for pastries. On with the story!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I don't I don't own pop tarts, I don't. Simon owns them…he does. No, he doesn't. Simon may say to stand on one leg, put one finger on your nose, and go cross eyed…but hey, If Simon said "Jump off of a bridge"…would you do it?

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Hiei was breathing heavily after a long six hours of training. He sheathed his sword and picked up his shirt to put it on. After deciding that the sweat would soak his shirt too much, he decided to just look around at the destruction he caused.

"Tch, six hours and I only cleared one forest? I didn't even have any demons come after me for it, Hiei, you are slipping." Just then, he caught a glint of gold from about 300 meters away. Wrapping his shirt around his right hand, he jumped effortlessly into the air toward the glint. The wind from the jump pushed the sweat right off of his body, and refreshed him as he landed where the light reflection came from. Hiei replaced his shirt before looking at the ground.

"What the…?" He said as he bent down to find a golden lamp.

"An inscription…but it is all dirty…" STOP!!! Now I know what you are all thinking… "Oh this is predictable!" right? Well guess what….DUH! GO!

With an attempt to read the inscription Hiei rubbed over it with the sleeve of his black shirt. The lamp began to get warmer and pulsate in his hands! The lamp shook violently and Hiei threw it away from himself. It hit the ground with a Clank and continued shaking. He took a few steps back as blue smoke began to emerge from the tip of the lamp. Hiei raised an eyebrow at this, what in the world what going on? A large blue….man emerged from the mist. He stretched his body out and cracked his neck and back before focusing on Hiei. His hair was long and black in a ponytail with a black goatee on his chin. He beamed brightly at Hiei and said,

"You have rubbed my lamp so now is the time, to make your wishes so you can shine!" Hiei's look was absolutely dumbfounded. As he closed his jaw and shook his head he found the words to ask a question.

"Wishes?"

"Yes, you get three" The big blue man replied. Hiei began to think to himself…now where have I heard that before?

"You're a genie aren't you?" Hiei stated firmly. The genie smiled widely and shook his head yes. Hiei stroked his chin in thought. There was one thing he had always loved that the humans created. He just so happened to be in a very secluded region, no one around for miles…he could get away with it.

"I want a giant….POP TART!" he exclaimed with a smile. Yes, Hiei was smiling, his love for pastries is unmatched even by his love for battle. No one knows this little dark secret of the fire apparition, but guess what. The genie clapped his hands together, rubbed them for a moment, and then looked at Hiei.

"If it is a pastry you want then a pastry you shall get for when the genie is asked he delivers and everyone is pleased by the delivery that he delivers. Oh yea…and what flavor?"

"Blueberry I guess" Hiei said, his mouth slightly salivating. He had regained most of his composure…for now. The genie stuck his hands in the air and filled the air with blue smoke. The smoke cleared away to reveal a 12 foot high, 6foot across, 2 foot thick blueberry frosted pop tart. Hiei's jaw hit the ground. He had never seen a pop tart that huge before. He walked right over and took a huge bite out of the top.

"That thing will stay warm for as long as it exists" The genie told him with great pride. As he was chewing he was thinking of a really good second wish, then it hit him.

"Next I need a huge glass of milk!"

"It comes from a cow and quenches your thirst; I will give you enough milk to burst. So much milk will I give that you will think you have too much when you only have just enough to fill your need for milk that you need to wash down that wonderful delightful baked goodness of a pastry!" the genie exclaimed and did the same thing as before. A regular sized glass rested on the ground, Hiei took 4 huge gulps of it and pulled the glass from his lips to see, that it was still full!

"Bottomless, ha ha that is great!" He yelled and took another huge bite of the pop tart. The genie was waiting for the third wish as Hiei was enjoying his first two.

"Master you have one more wish for that is all that is left because you used two up so you have one more. Will you make it?" Genie asked. Hiei looked at him weird, the redundancy was getting tiring but if he kept giving this stuff to him he could live with it.

"I wish for unlimited wishes from you so that I may get what I want when I want it." The genie rolled his eyes and granted the wish with a snap of his fingers. This sort of thing had happened before, and eventually everyone got sick of him. For years Hiei would return to this very place which he wished to be guarded save his entry. Any who entered their skin was immediately ripped off the bones…if they could get through the force-field alive however they were made into pop tart making zombies. Hiei became the pop tart king of the universe and actually got a happily ever after of pastry goodness. After all, don't we all deserve happiness?

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I feel dumber for writing this, and you should feel slightly dumber for reading it…but you probably laughed for a moment. Don't ask my why I wrote it, I guess I was bored. R&R, I a interested to see what you all have to say about this. Can't wait to read them…


	2. Now He Wants Ice Cream

For some unearthly reason I have decided to add another chapter to this. Why? I just don't know! A certain review that I received from a certain "Cathara" inspired me to write this…so here I am, writing this, making Hiei look dumber and dumber…I'm so very sorry.

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Disclaimer: No, I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho…I just don't. Please, do not sue me because I do not own them. Owning them is not a pleasure I have come to receive therefore I do not own it. If only I did then the owning of Yu Yu Hakusho would be mine, and it would be great with me and my owning of it. Now wouldn't that just make the world wonderful? Well…it would make my world wonderful anyway…

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As he was munching on his Blueberry pop tart Hiei looked about him. He had a giant warm pop tart, unending milk to wash it down, and all kinds of idiot minions that would make his sweet pastry for him for all eternity. Life was good…sort of. Of all things, he was slightly unhappy. He was slowly becoming obsessed with a different confectionary treat. All of the dryness of the pastry was beginning to get to him, even with the bottomless glass of milk. He was beginning to desire something…colder…something…creamier. Something that is served both hard…and soft, with many, many flavors…including blueberry.

"Genie!" Hiei called. The Genie popped up in front of him with his arms crossed.

"You bellowed sir?" He asked.

"I now desire something different that the first wonderful thing you have given me."

"Just ask and you shall receive because you have asked and I will give it to you due to your asking of your desire."

"Yes...well" Hiei said, "This new wish will be better…I want the biggest bowl of ice cream imaginable!" The genie pondered this for a moment, and gave him the redundant speech he always gave.

"Ice cream is your desire so I will give it to you sire. You have asked for your wish and it is my job to grant your wish which is why I am here therefore your wish shall be granted in the most gratifying way in the universe. If it is ice cream you want it is ice cream you will get…but…what flavor?" Hiei scratched his chin for a moment, and then exclaimed, "CHOCOLATE!" The genie blinked rather noticeably and a giant bowl of chocolate Ice Cream appeared right in front of Hiei.

"With Chocolate syrup! And Rainbow sprinkles! And whipped cream! And a huge cherry on top!" And after each wish a loud poof came and the Ice Cream was covered with the toppings. Hiei was literally drooling all over himself. He jumped up to the top of the 15 ft high multiple scooped delights and opened up wide. He slid down the whole mountain of sugar and flipped off at the end of the bowl. His mouth was huge and over filled, with things leaking out from in between his lips. He swallowed a huge gulp of the ice cream and smiled widely.

"This is wonderful Genie!" Hiei exclaimed, then went for somemore.

"And sir, it will never go away or melt, and as you finish it the ice cream will replenish itself" the genie said with great pride. This was it. Hiei was perfectly happy, He had a giant pop tart, an unending glass of milk, and a heaping bowl of ice cream…life

couldn't get better. Could it?

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Ok, this most certainly isn't as good as the first one…and most definitely should make you feel dumber for continuing to read on to the next chapter!(which would be this one) So…umm R&R if you have anything other than "DUHHHHH" going through your mind right now. This whole thing is utterly pointless… but I promise my other fics are not!


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